Berkowitz vs Kowalski

There's just something about Jewish names and court cases. It makes it sound horrendously expensive like some KKR leverage buyout. The same should apply with how Dark Managers name their departments. Lobbing your foreskin doesn't cut it anymore, you gotta have the kippah and curly sideburns to earn the credibility.

Most Dark Managers make the mistake of naming the department as per it's intention. So here's some suggestions to lend a little false sense of grandeur:-

Objective:The lame ass grind of PC Support and answering phone calls from wankers.
Potential Names: Office Automation, End Computing Support
Better: Corporate Computing Services

Objective:The collection of reports that will eventually be fudged to make the ugly look good, and the good look beautiful.
Potential Names: Corporate Governance, Corporate Planning
Better: Corporate Strategic Intelligence

I mean, some rules of thumb apply;
  1. If it works out to a 3 letter Acronym that sounds like a grander organization, CSI, FBI, NSA etc then the better it gets.
  2. 2 Letter Acronyms are lame
  3. 4 Letter ones better sound like a cool misspelled profanity e.g FCUK
  4. When all else fails, don't ask an engineer or a geek. They tend to come up with horrendous puns and snicker away at their supposed ingenuity.
  5. If you're adventurous enough to invent a nonsense word e.g. Accenture or Avanade; you better have a killer 30 second spiel or be already famous to begin with. (Well; being the Board of Director's nephew works as well)

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