Chronic/Acute Cowardism

I think it's about time that I talked about this, as we've hired a middle manager that simply epitomizes this condition.

What was required is a simple answer to the question of whether the team was ready with the presentation to boss. So this manager; being the "team lead" rightfully should be the person with the answer. We had a conference call and all, and I followed up with an email confirming the conversation.

Instead of replying with a definate YES or NO.

He sends his staff to "handle" the situation. Meaning. He meant "NO", but fears replying in writing for some reason or another. All i could do was laugh away at the other end of the phone.

Well soon enough the team took hold of his reputation and guess what?

More members of the organization requests for transfers to his department!

Especially because of his chronic fear; which not only includes the fear of looking bad for reporting that he can't control the team members; but also of any form of reprimands and disciplining.

Seriously, this is NOT a made up story. It's kinda like a working level corporate joke. Best part is, nobody dares to inform the CEO of what happening cause the new boss created this "reputation" of alienating anyone who complains about anyone else.

It's deemed as "unprofessional" in his book, or not Teamwork like.

SO, end result.

1. Every departmental meetings starts with everyone patting each others back about what good stuff they have done helping each other.
   
2. The manager's direct boss claims that this manager is the "best manager" that he's hired.
3. The team members claim that he's the best darn manager there is, cause the team OWNS him

Everyone's HAPPY, the CEO gets to hear what he wants to hear. The Middle Manager gets to continue pretending to be a manager, and the team gets to fuck around while getting paid.

It's like a very low budget parody of Dilbert, starring Robert Englund.

Bio Break

It used to be just a "break" in the middle of the meeting...
somehow, managers think it's cool to add "bio" in front... I mean, must a break be biological by nature.

Why not a "logical" break... or a break from all wanking and whining that typically goes on in a meeting.

Why you shouldn't add your boss in Facebook

From a blog somewhere

5 minute - Management Course (Collection of Oldies)

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800
to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time,
you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember
Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep.. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength
to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung,
he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lays there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Resigning Gracefully

Perhaps I was a tad too harsh in the previous posting on resignations. Here's the top 10 things to do before you resign.

1. Copy the address book of all your corporate customers and accounts.
2. Copy the address book of all your colleagues, you never know when you may just spam them with want adds or unit trust deals.
3. Be chummy with just about everyone.
   
4. Find 5 people to have lunch with. At least.
5. Out of the 5 people, find 2 that will be your potential referee
6. Out of the 2, find 1 that's willing to bend the truth a bit :p
7. When HR do call you in for your exit interview. Just tell them how thankful you are for your current job, but thanks anyway cause the next job just pays too well. Even if its not true.
8. If you're the lucky few which the CEO do summon to his office for a farewell chit chat. You really have 2 options. A) Tell him the real reason why you're leaving. B) Repeat the same dribble you told HR. Either way, sound positive and not some whiny wanker.
9. Shred everything. I know, some people say that this is illegal, but it really depends on the company's policy. In the first place, nobody really cares about those documentation in the first place. On the other hand, you may wish to keep some documentation with the CEO's signatures just in case.
   
10. Last but not least, your handover documentation. Usually, it's something that you do last if nothing at all. But then again nobody reads any documents these days, so whatever you've produced is really a summary of interesting bits that you may want to take with you on your next job.
    

The Difference between You and Your Boss

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

_______

Not original, taken online somewhere...

Resignations...

I don't know about the Western world... but in Asia, there's this unspoken law about resignations - You're not suppose to tell people what you're going to do or where you're going. At best you make up an excuse like,

"my mum's sick... or you have a permanent hernia that's leaking bile and crap, so it won't be fair for your office mates to deal with it".

IMHO, it's pure Dark Management bull behaviour. You've probably fucked up so bad, that you're afraid that your current employer will call up your new boss explaining intimate details of the screw up.

Secondly, when you do bump into your old boss; you'd have this weird ass look of someone thinking up another lie explaining why you're with a Vendor which you've signed a 3 year non-compete agreement during your previous employment.

Be a man!

Just own up and tell the whole world that you're leaving your current Gawd forsaken dump for the next dump. Who knows; folks may just think you have balls for a change. Not to mention how mortal enemies now suddenly come right at you and give you a congratulatory pat in the back...

"No hard feelings yah, and good luck"

"Sure, thanks mate", and what you really want to say is... "Fuck you and die!"