Greetings & Conversation Openers

How someone greets you tells you a lot about the person. There’s roughly the following unspoken objectives/statements when they see you for the first time in the morning based on their voice timber, tone, eye contact, body posture and facial expression (Not necessarily in any specific order):-

  • 1. A genuine greeting, no intentions
  • 2. “Hey, you’re so cute, I so love talking to you every morning”
  • 3. “Duuudee… wasssuuup… did you watch the ball game yesterday….?”
  • 4. “Asshole! Hope you die mauled by rabid dogs!!!’
  • 5. “What a putz , you’re so dumb you couldn’t tell a vulva from an anus”
  • 6. “You mensch! Worship me or die”
  • 7. “I am better than you, so I'll just mess with you a little”
  • 8. “Urgh… not another irrelevant person that I need to make eye contact…”
  • 9. “Hmm… he/she could be useful, I’ll be civil and chat a little”
  • 10. “I wonder if he/she knows some juicy secret that’s happening with the boss…”
  • 11. “Asshole, you don’t even deserve to be in your position, but wtf, I gotta kiss ass… so I’ll just greet you with a sarcasm laced opener”
  • 12. “oh shit.. .this guy won’t stop talking…”
  • 13. “I see high level ass... must kiss, must kiss... nose not brown enough”

As part of the advance dark manager technique, you have to master, Greeting 1); Greeting 2) even if he/she reeks like the toilet; Greeting 3) to be part of a gang and Greeting 9). All of this while sounding like Greeting 1)

Tough… but you’ll need it to succeed!

Dysmorphic Fault Myopia Syndrome

Dysmorphic Fault Myopia Syndrome is not unlike PMS, except whenever you’re on a bitching fit, the people that you bitch about is really you.

Problem is; you're not able to see through all that haughty righteousness and your (warped) sense of justice outweighs any means so long as your end is met.

Here’s a kind advice for all you dark managers. The moment you find someone in the office that you sincerely despise through some ‘fault’ or moral compass predisposition; find a true friend and ask them whether your's is pointing the same direction.