Resigning Gracefully

Perhaps I was a tad too harsh in the previous posting on resignations. Here's the top 10 things to do before you resign.

1. Copy the address book of all your corporate customers and accounts.
2. Copy the address book of all your colleagues, you never know when you may just spam them with want adds or unit trust deals.
3. Be chummy with just about everyone.
   
4. Find 5 people to have lunch with. At least.
5. Out of the 5 people, find 2 that will be your potential referee
6. Out of the 2, find 1 that's willing to bend the truth a bit :p
7. When HR do call you in for your exit interview. Just tell them how thankful you are for your current job, but thanks anyway cause the next job just pays too well. Even if its not true.
8. If you're the lucky few which the CEO do summon to his office for a farewell chit chat. You really have 2 options. A) Tell him the real reason why you're leaving. B) Repeat the same dribble you told HR. Either way, sound positive and not some whiny wanker.
9. Shred everything. I know, some people say that this is illegal, but it really depends on the company's policy. In the first place, nobody really cares about those documentation in the first place. On the other hand, you may wish to keep some documentation with the CEO's signatures just in case.
   
10. Last but not least, your handover documentation. Usually, it's something that you do last if nothing at all. But then again nobody reads any documents these days, so whatever you've produced is really a summary of interesting bits that you may want to take with you on your next job.
    

Resignations...

I don't know about the Western world... but in Asia, there's this unspoken law about resignations - You're not suppose to tell people what you're going to do or where you're going. At best you make up an excuse like,

"my mum's sick... or you have a permanent hernia that's leaking bile and crap, so it won't be fair for your office mates to deal with it".

IMHO, it's pure Dark Management bull behaviour. You've probably fucked up so bad, that you're afraid that your current employer will call up your new boss explaining intimate details of the screw up.

Secondly, when you do bump into your old boss; you'd have this weird ass look of someone thinking up another lie explaining why you're with a Vendor which you've signed a 3 year non-compete agreement during your previous employment.

Be a man!

Just own up and tell the whole world that you're leaving your current Gawd forsaken dump for the next dump. Who knows; folks may just think you have balls for a change. Not to mention how mortal enemies now suddenly come right at you and give you a congratulatory pat in the back...

"No hard feelings yah, and good luck"

"Sure, thanks mate", and what you really want to say is... "Fuck you and die!"