Sciotitis

After a long hiatus, I've figured that I've met just about every specimen out there that personifies dark management diseases. Until lately, there's a new species making its rounds; I was talking to the wife while she was lamenting about a particular department manager that seems to "not know" a lot of things. Then I realized that I've seem them before as well; yikes!

Hence the name "Sciotitis"

The Latin word for "knowing" is Scio, and thus I decree, Sciotitis as the affliction of not knowing.
Now what are the symptoms you may ask.

1. The individual tends to order people around; almost immediately after a meeting concludes. Usually picking on folks who seem to know.  
2. The individual also orders people to assume responsibilities that rightfully should be under their purview. Claiming that the other team possess information that they do not have.
3. When asked to perform any task in return. The individual will usually just say; 

• I do not know how.
• I have not done it before.
• You know best, I'll let you do it. 
• I do not have the information that you have. 
• I only know "my job " hence you cannot expect me to do XXX. because.... I do not know how

See if you can spot folks with Sciotitis and let me know.

Typically, mid-management (can't go up any higher cause the other managers are quite cheesed off with the behaviour so not much support from peers). So far we've concluded that they are more female than males; because men have this ego thing going on that stops them saying "I don't know".

The Sentence Completors

Before I start, there's this compelling urge to spew inane observations like how sleepless nights are like bad relationships... because (complete the sentence)

"...yes yes"
"...like when you wanna sleep but can't"
"because... (whatever else comes to mind)"

Sentence completors (apologies, can't seem to find the verb form) are managers who either reverberate the final points of the discussion ad verbum, or acknowledges with a "yes" or "exactly" even though you're pretty sure they don't understand what you're talking about.



If you ever had to hire a sentence completor for anything technical, please for heaven's sake, reconsider. You may make the mistake of leaning towards Theory Y and thinking that hey, I have a great manager who really knows stuff.

Only to discover later that the Dark Manager knows DICK...!

Just like how a husband knows the back of his wife's... (complete the sentence)

Patients with amygdala injury 'unafraid' to gamble

The amygdala is associated with fear

Californian scientists think they may have discovered the part of the brain which makes people fear losing money.

The study, reported in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, looked at two patients who had damaged their amygdala, deep within the brain.

These patients were less worried about financial losses than the normal volunteers they were compared with.

The scientists say this could translate to how people make decisions in fields ranging from politics to game shows.

'Loss aversion' describes the avoidance of choices which can lead to losses, even when accompanied by equal or much larger gains. Click here for full story

___

On the Dark Management front, it now makes a lot of sense why managers make stupid callous decisions. Psychometric tests are highly recommended to include a section on gambling to separate wheat from the chaff!

Chronic/Acute Cowardism

I think it's about time that I talked about this, as we've hired a middle manager that simply epitomizes this condition.

Required was a simple answer to the question of whether the team was ready with the presentation to boss. So this manager; being the "team lead" rightfully should have the answer. We had a conference call and all and I followed up with an email confirming the conversation.

Instead of replying with a definite YES or NO, He sends his staff to "handle" the situation.

Meaning. He meant "NO", but fears replying in writing for some reason or another. All i could do was laugh away at the other end of the phone.

Well soon enough the team took hold of his reputation and guess what?

More members of the organization requests for transfers to his department!

Especially because of his chronic fear; which not only includes the fear of looking bad for reporting that he can't control the team members; but also of any form of reprimands and disciplining.

Seriously, this is NOT a made up story. It's kinda like a working level corporate joke. Best part is, nobody dares to inform the CEO of what's happening cause the new boss created this "reputation" of alienating anyone who complains about anyone else.

It's deemed as "unprofessional" in his book, or not Teamwork like.

SO, end result.

1. Every departmental meetings starts with everyone patting each others back about what good stuff they have done helping each other.
   
2. The manager's direct boss claims that this manager is the "best manager" that he's hired.
3. The team members claim that he's the best darn manager there is, cause the team OWNS him

Everyone's HAPPY, the CEO gets to hear what he wants to hear. The Middle Manager gets to continue pretending to be a manager, and the team gets to fuck around while getting paid.

It's like a very low budget parody of Dilbert, starring Robert Englund.

Cognitive Distortions

Another affliction taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion
I've come to the conclusion that perhaps some dark mangers just do not know that they have these diseases; well, at least wishing that helps me sleep. For me to think that any individual can be diabolically vile and commit to premeditated actions is just too depressing.

Many cognitive distortions are also logical fallacies; related links are suggested in parentheses.

1. All-or-nothing thinking - Thinking of things in absolute terms, like "always", "every" or "never". Few aspects of human behavior are so absolute. (See false dilemma.)
   
   
2. Overgeneralization - Taking isolated cases and using them to make wide generalizations. (See hasty generalization.)
   
   
3. Mental filter - Focusing exclusively on certain, usually negative or upsetting, aspects of something while ignoring the rest. For example, focusing on a tiny imperfection in a piece of otherwise useful clothing. (See misleading vividness.)
   
   
4. Disqualifying the positive - Continually "shooting down" positive experiences for arbitrary, ad hoc reasons. (See special pleading.)
   
   
5. Jumping to conclusions - Assuming something negative where there is no evidence to support it. Two specific subtypes are also identified:
   • Mind reading - Assuming the intentions of others.
   • Fortune telling - Predicting how things will turn before they happen. (See slippery slope.)
     
     
6. Magnification and minimization - Inappropriately understating or exaggerating the way people or situations truly are. Often the positive characteristics of other people are exaggerated and negative characteristics are understated. There is one subtype of magnification:
   • Catastrophizing - Focusing on the worst possible outcome, however unlikely, or thinking that a situation is unbearable or impossible when it is really just uncomfortable.
     
     
7. Emotional reasoning - Making decisions and arguments based on how you feel rather than objective reality. (See appeal to consequences.)
   
   
8. Making should statements - Concentrating on what you think "should" or ought to be rather than the actual situation you are faced with, or having rigid rules which you think should always apply no matter what the circumstances are. Albert Ellis termed this "Musturbation". (See wishful thinking.)
   
   
9. Labeling and mislabeling - Explaining behaviors or events, merely by naming them; related to overgeneralization. Rather than describing the specific behavior, you assign a label to someone or yourself that puts them in absolute and unalterable terms. Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
   
   
10. Personalization (or attribution) - Assuming you or others directly caused things when that may not have been the case. (See illusion of control.) When applied to others, blame is an example.

Narcissistic personality disorder

According to DSM IV-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) criteria and taken from Wikipedia,

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:[1]

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
   Which gets translated to an inordinate amount of budget being allocated to offices with plus chairs and secretaries. Not to forget bookshelves that typically gets stocked with books that you don't read, and folders that are really empty.
   
   
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love (megalomania)
   Seriously, this is beyond me.... :p
   
   
3. Believes they are "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, people (or institutions) who are also "special" or of high status
   A general manager should never seek advise from a senior manager, should never seek advice from a manager and so forth...
   
   
4. Requires excessive admiration
   It's your birthday, and you're wondering where's the gift baskets from your staff and the vendors.
   
   
5. Has a sense of entitlement
   If the managerial office in Tower 2 is larger than Tower 1, it'll potentially appear in next week's Management Minutes
   
   
6. Is interpersonally exploitative
   When management suddenly asks you out for lunch... be wary... be extremely wary.
   
   
7. Lacks empathy
   Calling your staff at 3am in the morning and asking him to drive 200km to the data center on a Christmas Saturday makes perfect sense.
   
   
8. Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
   Let's be honest now, your day gets ruin should you notice that your staff has a notebook with better specs.
   
   
9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
   Really? Me? I'm always patient and humble towards everyone that I deal with.
   

There's also a certain pattern that I noticed, Dark Managers with this sickness tends to be short ~ Napoleon Syndrome perhaps? More importantly, they typically don't get promoted any higher up in the food chain and retires as a Manager or if they're lucky a Senior Manager.

Lastly, the worst of the lot are Senior Executives that never makes Manager. Personally, someone should shove em to a loony bin and throw away the keys; and these people supports my case on the uselessness of psychometric tests to weed out these individuals...

Decidophobia - The Fear of Making Decisions

Checkout the wikipedia entry here: Decidophobia

There's essentially no cure, but a common solution would be a "dilution" of authority via consensus or communal decision making. We tend to call it "The Management Committee"

Scriptonomatophobia

I saw this in one of those answers.com websites asking whether there's a medical name for the fear of signing one's name.

"Scriptophobia" is fear of writing in public. "Nomatophobia" is fear of names.

So perhaps Scriptonomatophobia is the fear of signing one's name on a document that can be traced to you when the shit hits the fan.

What they should have mentioned is that Dark Managers carry this sickness like a recessive gene. The more dark managers they are in the company, the more Scriptonomatophobic managers take time off or work out an excuse to tai chi authorizations to a subordinate or to another department.

Dysmorphic Fault Myopia Syndrome

Dysmorphic Fault Myopia Syndrome is not unlike PMS, except whenever you’re on a bitching fit, the people that you bitch about is really you.

Problem is; you're not able to see through all that haughty righteousness and your (warped) sense of justice outweighs any means so long as your end is met.

Here’s a kind advice for all you dark managers. The moment you find someone in the office that you sincerely despise through some ‘fault’ or moral compass predisposition; find a true friend and ask them whether your's is pointing the same direction.

2 weeks on the Job, inflicted by Selective Amnesia and the making of a Dark Padawan

40 hours a week, 80 hours into the job; there’s bound to be a management instruction (from you) causing outages or impact to the customer. Compounded by your desire and haste to win brownie points from the CEO and “Platinum Level Customers”, the order was executed without proper change management procedures or fall back plans.

Principles of Selective Amnesia

• Never leave any written proof of your instructions.
  That means no instructions over email. It should always be verbally communicated. Email and sms is one sure way of being reminded of the instructions which you have conveniently repressed.
• While explaining the situation. Never provide instruction details
  Keep it high level, with a solid, almost impossible dateline. I want the VP to have the new spanking Outlook/Exchange email by lunch (This is after the team has spent 32 hours hacking the smtp file to setup the exchange server in the first place).
• When shit happens, start the interrogation first; practice this hard as you need to be an Oscar level actor
  Look at your no.1 guy straight in the eye and ask him calmly.
  
  “Do you know anything about the exchange server going down during lunch time?”, in which case, the ever zealous newbie will reply,

“yeah… we tried to provide email to the VP …” and your stoic answer would be an almost awed and surprised.

“Oh (eyes wide, mouth opened), I didn’t even know about that, this shall be investigated (squeeze your brows together) and we’ll have to report the person that did this to the CEO”. A short, snappy and stern display of amnesia.

The colour of your staff will turn pale now, and at the slightest hint of indignation or a comeback, quickly exit the conversation. But not before sneaking in

“Prepare a report for me and we’ll see the CEO together”

Here’s the takeaway, your staff will potentially be pretty pissed cause you’re the one that issued the instructions, however, he can’t do anything, as by admitting the act, he’ll stand out as the perpetrator.

The duality of the situation will be so divisive that eventually, the answer in the report will be a story about how the server suddenly reboots itself before the team could even do anything.

Alas, you have created a disciple, truly, one who is capable of beguiling himself and you of the real incident. Indeed, you are one step closer to become a Dark Management Master.